My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
