My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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