This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
only you would photoshop your dick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
