My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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