I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
