No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
