after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
