I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
