This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You took a bar mat shot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
