You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
