Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
