iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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