did you get engaged???
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
