I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
