i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
