Are we in a gay sports bar?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
