He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
