I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
