just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
