I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
