Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
