If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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