That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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