i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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