I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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