The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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