You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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