you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
