we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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