"it" just moved
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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