I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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