so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
