I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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