i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
