hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
