Moan for me like Helen Keller
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
