you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Mom said you looked used
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
