I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
