WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
