dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
