I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
