You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
