also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
