You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found the puke drawer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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