not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
