Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
