The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
