I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
