She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
