Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Four minutes until I can fart!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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