Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
