I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
