its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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